Alright, before I get to that story, I think this might be the only time that I'll ever have to put a disclaimer on something I post....lol....here it goes....
"The following post contains sexual references and mature subject matter and may not be suitable for younger readers....discretion is advised."
Alright, I don't know how "legal" that disclaimer is, but that's as good as I'm gonna do....lol
This is nothing to do with baseball, but it was just such a funny hour or so of the trip that I had to share it with everyone...it's funny because the boys were talking about slumpbusters and the fact that I didn't put up the pictures of the girls I've met while on the trip.....the timing of the story is just so perfect that I can't pass it up.....
So, yesterday afternoon, I took a bus from Chicago to Milwaukee...I was in line for the bus to Milwaukee when this girl came up to me for the first time....at this point, I'll put a picture that I found online that closely resembles what she looks like, but this is not her...
She was travelling to Milwaukee as well and she started a conversation with me....I didn't think anything of it and we just had small talk about where we were from and what we were gonna do in Milwaukee....The bus ended up being delayed, so we kept talking, but the questions started to get a little more personal from her, like if I had a girlfriend, etc.
As the bus was starting to board people, she politely asked if I could help her with one of her bags since she was carrying three big bags....I had no problem with that, so we boarded the bus, but at this point, I was hoping to just drop her bag off and sit on my own so I could sneak in a nap...
So I drop off the bag...
Me: Alright, good to talk to you, have fun on your trip....
Girl: Well, is someone sitting with you?
Me: No, I'm travelling alone, so I can't say that the seat is taken
Girl: Alright, well, I'll sit with you then
At this point, she picked up the chatter with pointless blather questions....the two best were, "So, do you have the Canadian pound as opposed to our US dollar?" and "How much Canadian bacon do you eat back home?"
I just shook my head at both and was just started to get annoyed at this point....and this was only 5 minutes into a 2 hour ride....so I tried to deflect by taking out my Men's Health magazine...that seemed to work for a couple minutes until I hit an article that highlighted 12 sexual tips that women want men to know....
One portion talked about what sexual positions are popular and unpopular with women....she perked up, sidled up closer so that her breasts were now resting right on my arm and asked....
Girl: What position do you prefer?
Me: Depends on my mood, I guess....
Girl: I'm into S&M, are you?
Me: (laughing and shaking head) No no no no no
Girl: (getting even closer and now rubbing my arms) I love the idea of someone inflicting pain on me....
Me: (frozen in fear)
Girl: I love big, long cucumbers....
Me: (leaning up against the side of the bus as much as possible)
Girl: I hear that Canadian guys love that kind of stuff....I really hope you're someone that's into it too 'cause I haven't found a man lately.....
Me: (just about in tears) I'm not into that.....
Oh my god! All I wanted to do is curl up in the fetal position and start crying....how is it that the day before, I was able to somewhat fight back against a guy who wanted to take my money, but now, I'm deathly afraid of what's going to come out of her mouth next.....Luckily, she might have sensed that and finally stopped.....great, all this happening and it was 15 minutes into the bus ride....only an hour and 45 minutes to go....
5 minutes passed by and she decides that she wants to go to sleep.....thank god!
Girl: I'm gonna take a nap....
Me: Good for you.....it's only about two hours, so a good time for a nap....
Girl: Can I rest my head on your strong shoulder?
Me: (frozen again)
At this point, another guy who was my age sitting across from me looked over.....I looked at him with complete shock and fear and he looked at me with a wry smile....There was no words exchanged, but we understood exactly what each other said....My face said, "Help, get me out of here!" and his face said, "You're on your own....have fun with that...."
I finally said, "Sorry, but I'm thinking of having a nap myself....." After all that, there was no way that I was going to sleep, but she went to sleep and luckily she slept for the rest of the ride....
Once the bus docked in Milwaukee, I got my bag and ran and I was at the hotel within 5 minutes...
Alright, Brewers game this afternoon as we hit Day 57 today with only a week to go...... :-)
